Navigating the tumultuous tables
With the holidays upon us, we are forced to deal with people, a lot of people. This is mostly wonderful. I love people. And being back together inside crowded spaces with poor ventilation is a true joy of the season. But with the world as it is right now, how do we navigate talking with all of these people? Because wherever people are, so is conflict.
The reality is the Thanksgiving table is not the ideal venue to debate geopolitics with your uncle, to spar with your grandmother about reproductive rights or to argue with your cousin about his latest conspiracy theory. But these (and many others) are the minefields we will be dancing around in the coming hours/days/weeks….
Below are a few tips on how to navigate talking to other people this holiday season:
It is not wise going into a holiday celebration with the intent to change anyone's mind about anything important. Instead focus on asking sincere questions about people’s lives. Curiosity is the key!
That said, challenge yourself to ask about something other than people’s employment. Even the holiday version of “what do you do?” gets old fast
Sounds cheesy, but instead try asking about an activity they loved doing recently or what they are looking forward to in 2024
People love to talk about their children and pets. If people do not have children or pets (like myself), plants are also a great subject to ask about
When in doubt “the weather” or “traveling” are usually safe subjects (that is except if it gets into our worlds changing climate…)
And of course you can always ask about what dish they are most excited to eat and why (there is a reason food is my tool...)
Now if things do get slightly contentious, I suggest putting the beverage down, excusing yourself to the bathroom and taking a few deep breaths. Once you regroup and if you can find your curiosity again, you can always say something like: “Your perspective is interesting. What experiences have led you to feel this way about ____?" And then you listen.
The cool thing about the holidays is that they are a great reminder that we can love people who we passionately disagree with. Something to keep in mind as we approach 2024…